Knowing too much

Sometimes, the miracles of modern medicine means your doc can know a little too much about you. I like my doctor and had to do the yearly physical thing. Her verdict? "Well, we're to the point that, if you want to stay on birth control, I'll have to give you something for your blood pressure." See, I've been flirting with hypertension for years. Yeah, a risk of being fat. Tell me something I didn't know. Also my overly stressful job. See some older posts for a picture.

Soooo, I'll get my scrip filled, take it dutifully and look at diets for high blood pressure. Let's see. For optimal health, I need to avoid: alcohol, chocolate, sugar, salt, butter, meat, fat, pasta, breads, ad infinitum. Which leaves me with a lettuce and broccoli salad with grapes and cashews on top. Yay. Of course, then there's the studies that suggest extremely low-fat diets are not healthy, either, when controlling hypertension.

I have come to the conclusion no one knows what we really should eat and should avoid. Years ago, if you had heart disease, you were supposed to avoid eggs like the plague, because of the cholesterol content. Nowadays, eggs aren't off limits, because they contain "good" cholesterol. Red wine ostensibly can help heart patients, but docs say don't start drinking it if you don't already drink. Huh?

My main goal right now is to get the junk food out of my diet. In years past, I didn't eat that much. However, the past couple of years, I've eaten way more of it than I ever have, probably. I'll try to eat more fruits and vegetables. I don't salt my food that much, so that's not such a problem, but I'll have to watch the sodium content of any soup or other food I buy that I don't make. I've resolved I'll exercise more. I got out of that habit when Mama broke her hip and running back and forth to the nursing home all the time left me too worn out to do much of anything.

All my life, all I've ever wanted is to be slender. And all my life, all I've ever been is fat. It's very difficult to accept yourself and love yourself when the world around you vilifies you for being what you are. I've dieted, exercised until I could barely crawl up the stairs, gone to support groups-- you name it. And still I'm fat. People see the obese as lazy, weak-willed, stupid, ignorant, neglectful--and in some cases, that's true. It's also true of slender people. I've spent my entire life in self-loathing because I don't look like the fashion magazines. I despise myself and the way I look. I avoid mirrors and never allow my picture to be taken, if I can help it. I wish the greatest compliment in the world someone could pay me was NOT, "Wow! You look like you've lost weight!" I live and die by my weight, which is why I rarely step on a scale. I can't stand it. It's just too painful to work out, eat right and do everything I can, and see that stupid needle on the scale hardly budge.

And when people think they are doing me some kind of favor by pointing out my obesity, or by letting me know Weight Watchers is available, well thanks. I know I'm fat and I know a lot of people have a lot of success in Weight Watchers. And if I made about $10 more an hour, maybe I could afford to go. As it is, I'm pretty much on my own in this venture. I've considered lap-band surgery, but I don't know.

If anyone reads this, say a prayer for me. I need it. I still believe in God's good purpose in my life. I just need a little miracle, right now.

When evil comes to town, love must respond...

I've seen ignorance up close. I've seen anger, grief and addiction. I don't know that I'd ever seen pure evil any closer than I did yesterday. I was part of a peaceful protest against a KKK rally in the town were I went to college.

Some may think, "She's from the South. A KKK rally is a big deal?" Well, yes. Things have changed in the past 40 years. Klan activity is not nearly as prevalent as it used to be, thank the Lord. There have been some rallies in Pulaski, Tenn., but nothing around here. Until, citing their right to free speech, a KKK group from Indiana got a permit from Athens. Their permit was granted--under duress-- and they came to town.

It's an interesting side note they wanted to hold their "anti-immigration rally" at the same time police were needed a mile away to control traffic for bikers coming through for the annual Trail of Tears ride. That, fortunately, was denied them. They stood on the steps of City Hall and yowled for an hour or so. Seeing this on television, reading it in the newspaper is a whole different experience than seeing it in a town I have visited all my life. Even on television, there's a disconnect. In person, it becomes very real and immediate.

My part was to participate in the Silent Witness of Love counter-protest. This was put together by the rector of the Episcopal Church in Athens. Rev. Lucas is a trained nonviolent protester and decided, along with several other churches, that Christians could not, must not, ignore this. It was next door--20 yards from the front door of the Methodist Church!

Our methods, however, were a little different. We held up yellow signs with "Love" written on them. We remained absolutely silent during the rally. We did not engage Klan members or supporters. We just stood across the street and held up our signs.

My "rubber meets the road" moment, and that of my husband, came when we were standing with about 20 other protesters on the front lawn of the Methodist Church. We had our signs and were just waiting for the rally to begin. Then, coming across the street, walked about eight Klansmen--one in a red robe and pointed hood. When they stepped on the sidewalk on church property, we all held up our signs. We did not say a word as they walked through our group. The senior pastor at the church civilly informed them they were on private property. Their excuse was they thought the church was City Hall, not the unimpressive brick building next door.

I know that isn't why they did what they did. They were hoping to engage us. They wanted to start something at that moment. They saw our signs and yelled, "We love, too! We love our white children!" None of us said a word, but I know we were all apprehensive. We certainly weren't armed, but it's a safe bet they were. Fortunately, two police officers arrived about then to escort them to city hall.

There were 40 or so of us who anchored the street corners at the beginning. We felt a little exposed, but stood our ground. The KKK spewed their hate and venom to a curious, if not supportive, crowd and they had the momentum on their side, it seemed.

Then, the cavalry arrived. The Episcopal rector led the crowd from his church, a little farther away. He had a large sign and at least 100 people marched silently behind him, carrying their signs. My heart lifted. As the crowd saw them, they broke out into applause. Those of us on the sidewalk fell in behind them and ringed the crowd with our signs, still silent. Television cameras were everywhere, and they caught the solid mass of people, holding up signs saying "Love." It was quite a sight. We outnumbered Klan members at least 3 to 1, if not more.

We didn't speak or respond to their hatred. We just met them with a solid wall of love. We fell back to the Methodist Church, at the police's request, but still were very visible to the KKK.

It was a victory for the Lord, because we met in His name, and in the right way, with the right motives. We upheld our commitment to complete nonviolence.

But those KKK members still walk in such grim darkness. They are so consumed with hate. God's grace is available to them, too. If you read this, pray for them. Pray with me that the love of God will displace the hate in their hearts, and His Spirit will overcome their darkness. I pray God's grace will intervene in their lives.